did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
