so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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