woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
