In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
