This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
