I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
