hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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