Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
