pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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