puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize