Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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