I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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