Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
PANTIES FOUND
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