I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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