She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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