Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize