Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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