She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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