I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
