i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize