Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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