Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
