Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
