You can't special order awesome
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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