He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize