The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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