Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
