Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
