Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
did i just pee glitter
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