So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
