I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
