well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize