If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
