i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
