There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize