Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
