Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
