I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
