god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
