That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
