so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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