I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize