people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
