my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize