there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
