If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize