If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
