I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
