Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
