so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
