Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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