He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
