Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
