i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
