i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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