Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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