he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
a search helicopter?!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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