my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
