last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
