Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
