I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
