Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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