Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize