I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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