shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We are all done wearing pants today
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
