Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
