Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
