I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
