Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
