I think I am morally bankrupt
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
