He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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