i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
