not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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