Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
