So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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