I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
