Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
