Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize