Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
