For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
