Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
cat food counts as protein by the way
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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