im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
