she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
