There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
