So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
