Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
