I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize