ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
