my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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