Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
