You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
