apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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