We won't sleep together?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
