I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
