How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
