do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
