I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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