Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
