Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
