Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
