Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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