Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
