I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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