At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize