he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
