if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
