you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
