I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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