i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
