i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
