Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
