I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
